reaching inward
What do you do when you are hurting? This is a question that you may not have the time or energy to think about. Or perhaps the emotional pain in your life is all consuming; so much that you can barely think of anything else. When you feel emotional pain or intense emotions, the most natural thing you can do is look for relief. It is what you do in this moment; the moment when you realize that you can take action and seek relief, that often determines your level of mental, emotional and relational health.
So what are your options? What tools do you have available to you when you are seeking relief? You could “do what you know” or rely on learned patterns or behaviors that have been modeled for you in the past. If that modeling was healthy you are likely to have healthy options available to you. If that modeling was less than healthy, it is more likely that you have limited options in your tool kit to manage your feelings in a way that will support your growth.
In that important moment where you decide what action to take to seek relief it is easy to look outside of yourself. We live in a culture where we prioritize academic skills and performance; where we are taught to look to teachers and text books for answers rather than within ourselves. We are not taught the basic skills we need to manage ourselves and our relationships, and then when struggle or fail at keeping it all together, we are punished as if we should have known better. The shame and embarrassment often keeps us from asking for help until challenges have escalated to the point where they are unmanageable. This is the point where most people seek more drastic forms of relief. Some turn to dysfunctional patterns such as substance use, destructive behavior, or succumb to anxiety or depression. Others turn to counseling or therapy where there is someone who can listen, help them develop more awareness and add more tools to their tool kit.
What if we had an opportunity to learn and practice these skills ahead of time? What if this culture needs a paradigm shift? What if we need to acknowledge that the vast majority of us were raised in this environment where we were not taught the skills we needed to manage our own mental, emotional and relational health. We are all in the same boat and there is no reason to feel shame and embarrassment in response to a perceived failure. We were not set up for success!
I envision a model that faces this reality and works toward a shift in understanding. I want to see a world were we can work together in an authentic and transparent way in a process of educating ourselves about how to responsibly and independently meet the emotional ups and downs of life with a complete tool kit. This new way of understanding mental health includes a framework of exploration and play in an environment where everyone can experience a new way of being with themselves and in their relationships. People experience themselves anew and leave with the confidence to apply what they are learning in their lives. There is a time and a place to ask for help and we can lean on each other for support, and at the same time, we can also learn to become empowered and self reliant as we move through our day to day challenges with the skills we need for a smooth and balanced life and fulfilling relationships.
So, what do you do when you are hurting? My message to you is that you have choices. In the moment when you feel the most powerless you have a choice. In the moment when you can’t imagine knowing what to do, you have an opportunity to learn how to access the answers within you. In the moment when you are the most afraid, you can learn how to tap into your courage and trust yourself to know what you need. In the moment when it seems like you have no other options, you can learn to fill your tool kit with unlimited possibilities for your ultimate well being. This is an invitation to take the first step.
InterPlay Academy is my answer to these questions. We are a private Equine Facilitated Experiential Education facility located eight miles north of Bellingham, WA. It is a place where we can all come together, celebrate our “mistakes” and learn emotional and relational skills from the masters. Horses are indeed masters of relationship and emotional intelligence and they invite you to be fully who you are. We offer programs with and without horses that meet a wide variety of needs. Come play with us and learn the skills for your success!
